An Open Closed Book

I never allowed my self to get so sick or ill in love. I knew better, I knew that it was a virus and once you have it there is no cure; but for you, i allowed myself to finally open my heart. Yes; it took me a long time to do so, but the point is that i did it. I did somthing for you that I NEVER did for any other being on this planet. When I thought of you i saw a life, a home, a family! I saw that we could hold so much happiness together; but i started to realize that when i finally opened up to you a Rift began to form between us. You got distant and yes you told me that you were going through some things at the time, but i thought that I your “LOVE” as you called me would at least be kept on the up and up. But you booted me out you didn’t tell me anything, you left your boy hanging. I would text you 5 times and get no response. I would call and get no response. Of course i was getting angry, but i was also scared and confused and the only way i knew to get your attention was to threaten you. But that backfired you told me that i’m selfish and that instead being concerned with you i was to busy worried about how i was feeling. I agreed because i was. But like i said u were the first person i allowed my heart to open too and when i did you disappeared! Put yourself in my shoes and see where I’m coming from. You said that you were hurt that i was just now falling for you but honestly you should be happy that i am falling for you who gives a fuck when. So once again i changed for you i tried to be more supportive, i texted You everyday and every night, i told you how great you were i told you how much i loved you. I did everything that i could to be a supportive boyfriend i honestly did! i don’t know if you realized that i don’ know how your mind works really?!?! I know that i hurt you but that doesn’t give you the right to make me feel like shit to make me hurt so much to make me feel worthless to make me feel like i don’t matter anymore. And although i knew you love you you have always made me feel expendable!

Dear someone I once called my lover

Moving on is one of the hardest things to do, especially when the thing you’re moving on from is all you know. I really thought i could love you, but if you really cared you would have at least put up some kind of fight before you let me go. This honestly wasn’t a test, it was just an option you had! YOU let me go and although “parting is such sweet sorrow” it must be done!

The hardest part about moving on is having the feeling that you aren’t cared about, nobody likes feeling as if their presence is very minuscule in the other person’s life. It hurts so bad to see someone else prosper without you. I know I’m going too also, but i don’t necessarily want you to as well and maybe that is whats holding me back from freedom. Maybe the fact that I can’t wish you well is what’s keeping from becoming well myself.

Maybe we both have things to work on,  but i TRIED and i feel that you didn’t; but I don’t want to go into the he said she said nor what he did or didn’t do battle with you so I just wont! I’m sure you had feelings for me, as i did for you, but i don’t think they were enough to make us last. Have you ever heard the saying “just because we love each other doesn’t mean we should be together”. I feel like this somewhat pertains to us. I can love you forever and a day, but our love hurts. 

People said you can love so much that it hurts but i never could quite understand how love could equal pain. Love is supposed to bring you happiness; is it not? Its the worst when you fall for someone that wasn’t what you wanted in the first place, because the disappointment that they aren’t nor never will be what you hoped for kills you.

YESSSS I love you, but being with you will kill me because you will forever be you and will never change. Your wants, your desires and the way you choose to live your life will always be. How dare i expect you to change how dare anyone expect anyone to change, for I knew what you were before, and i know that is who you will always be.  Although i love you and what you are,  what you are is not pleasing to me so therefor I could never be in love with you and i must take my leave. Fare well to what once was but i must go and find what will be…….

                                                                            Sincerely,

                                                                             your first love

Have you noticed that these days attitude truly sells! Have you ever heard the term,”fake it till you make it”! Well alot of people are faking it these days. I mean hey…do you, but me, I can’t pretend to be something or have something that I don’t! It takes away from the satisfaction of finally getting it. Also I refuse to pretend to have something just to impress a room full of nobodies. Let’s take for instance if you got a Versace dress would you wear to the Roxbury or save it for a party with the best of the best! The people at the Roxbury won’t have the same appreciation as others might! Hell to be honest they won’t even know that you got a Versace dress on with some louboutin red bottoms In that over crowded dark whole In the wall. But once angin I won’t judge you if that’s what you choose to do.